In case of Emergency....

Again, as I start this, I am marveling at the "blog culture" I am delving into. I'm in a Starbucks (in a Barnes and Noble) using free wireless on my laptop...life is funny.


I got this idea for this post from an article I read on Essence.com yesterday. The article, which you can click here and read, was entitled "Would You Love Yourself Enough to Leave?", and it was about the ending of Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony's marriage. In this article,  Jenny Lo stated, "Sometimes we don't realize we are compromising ourselves. To understand that a person is not good for you, or that that person is not treating you in the right way, or that he is not doing the right thing for himself -- if I stay, then I am not doing the right thing for me. I love myself to walk away from that now."
The article also continued to talk about how people, many women, put everyone else's needs, thoughts, ideals, realities and expectations in front of their own, to the point where their own view becomes skewed, and they end up staying in situations that they ultimately know are not good for them. Reading that made me think. I any other situation, if a human being finds themselves in a dangerous situation, the only rational decision is to remove themselves. If a truck is barreling towards you, you wouldn't think "I'm gonna stay here in the street for my kids", or "What would me church members think if I ran out of the way of this truck?" We know what's right in those emergencies, and we don't think twice about acting on it. But, when it comes to emotional emergencies, why is it that we don't give ourselves the same leeway?


One situation that blurs the line of my previous example is any type of abuse. A person in an emotionally unstable relationship, even while knowing how detrimental it can be to them, may not always act in their best interest, due to their emotional ties to the situation. But, when are we (especially women) going to get to a point when we can see an emergency for and emergency and take care of ourselves first?


On a flight, one of the safety precautions we are given that we have heard countless times is, "In case of emergency, please secure your oxygen mask before securing a child or fellow passengers'" Ironically, we won't apply that simple logic to our own lives. I was brought up to believe that the person who cares the least in the relationship has the power, and that you should find a man that loves you a little more than you love him. As I get older, and as I have seen things in my own life, I realize the many flaws in those beliefs and how detrimental their are to ever achieving a healthy relationship. While it's important to give all you have to a relationship, I am a firm believer that if I can't take care of myself, I am no good in being able to take care of anyone else. If I can't be in tune with what I need, how can I be altruistic enough to give what I have to anyone else?

Some may see this a a kind of selfish way of living, a kind of closed off view of giving all in a relationship. But, I feel like it's the complete opposite. To be able to truly know and understand love and caring for another person, I have to be well enough to receive those feelings. And, if I'm not taking care of myself enough to even realize what I need, how can I possibly know what I'm giving?

I guess what I'm saying is, as difficult as Jennifer Lopez's decision was, I can completely understand her reason for making it. Instead of quietly sitting back and watch the father of her children make decisions that she is not comfortable with, she spoke up early, not only for herself, but for her whole family. And, even though she probably knew that speaking up might not have stopped Marc from doing whatever he was doing, it seems as if she felt like she had an obligation to put herself first, before the fear, doubt and complacency set in that would cloud her view and leave her resentful, angry, and in an unhappy marriage. So many of us carry those feelings of doubt, fear and complacency in our heads and our hearts. But, at some point, we are all confronted with a crossroads-save yourself or sacrifice for others. In case of emergency, what would you do?